If you are marrying into a Vietnamese family, someone may ask for your birth year long before the wedding date is set. Xem tuổi vợ chồng — "checking the couple's ages" — is a folk custom of comparing the bride's and groom's lunar birth years to see whether they support or clash with each other. Here's what is being checked, so the conversation makes sense.
Tradition, not prediction
First, the important part: this is cultural tradition, not science, and different almanacs and fortune tellers weigh things differently. Many modern couples treat it as a curiosity; others use it to choose a good wedding year rather than to decide whether to marry. Treat any score as a reference only.
Why the lunar year matters
The method uses only the lunar birth year, described by a heavenly stem and an earthly branch (Can Chi) — for example Nhâm Thân (1992) or Bính Tý (1996). Someone born in January or early February before Tết belongs to the previous lunar year, so the Gregorian year alone can be wrong.
The five checks
A common almanac approach scores five checks, 2 points each, for a total out of 10:
- Life element (Mệnh) — each year has an element (Metal, Wood, Water, Fire, Earth). Elements that nourish each other are good; one overcoming the other is unfavourable.
- Heavenly stems (Thiên can) — some stem pairs combine, others clash.
- Earthly branches / zodiac (Địa chi) — the Three Harmonies (Tam Hợp) and Six Harmonies (Lục Hợp) are good; Six Clashes (Lục Xung), Six Harms (Lục Hại) and Punishment (Tương Hình) are not.
- Life palace (Cung phi) — each person gets one of the eight Bát Trạch trigrams, calculated differently for men and women. Four pairings are good (Sinh Khí, Thiên Y, Diên Niên, Phục Vị), four are bad.
- Element of the palaces (Thiên mệnh) — the trigrams' elements, compared like check 1.
An example: husband 1992, wife 1996
- Mệnh: Metal (Kiếm Phong Kim) nourishes Water (Giản Hạ Thủy) — good.
- Stems: Nhâm and Bính clash — unfavourable.
- Branches: Monkey (Thân) and Rat (Tý) are in the same Three Harmonies group — good.
- Cung phi: Cấn and Khôn make Sinh Khí — good.
- Palace elements: both Earth — neutral.
Score: 7/10, compatible by these rules — even with one clash.
Choosing a wedding year: Kim Lâu
Families also avoid a year when the bride's traditional age (tuổi mụ — counted from 1 at birth and adding a year each Tết) divided by 9 leaves 1, 3, 6 or 8. For the bride born in 1996, the lunar year 2028 makes her 33 by traditional reckoning: 33 ÷ 9 leaves 6, so 2028 is a Kim Lâu year for her.
How to check a couple
- Open the Vietnamese Marriage Compatibility tool.
- Enter each person's lunar birth year — or their Gregorian date of birth, which is converted for you.
- Read the score out of 10 and the verdict and reason for each of the five checks.
- Look at the list of coming years to see which ones are Kim Lâu for the bride.
Then pick a date with the Auspicious Day Finder and convert dates on the Vietnamese Lunar Calendar.
FAQ
What if our score is low? Different schools disagree, and a low score decides nothing. Families who care often choose a good year and date instead.
Do I need the exact birth date? Only to get the right lunar year if you were born around Tết.
Try it now
Compare two birth years with the free Vietnamese Marriage Compatibility tool — for reference and fun, calculated in your browser.